© 2008 Votelessness. 
Ending years of speculation on his next move, former D.O.D Secretary Don Rumsfeld announced he and his investment partners – Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and DNC Chairman Howard Dean – planned to open a chain of Bi-Partisan restaurants – Rummy’s Yummy Red Meat Grille.
Maria Potts, ten-year-old, today discovered the root of our economy’s current turmoil. Potts, using addition and subtraction, came to the conclusion that the economy is in the dire situation that it is because the people we put in charge of it are “just stupid… and boring”. Using a ‘burnt umber’ Crayola, yellow Sharpie, finger paint and some sheets of construction paper cut into hearts, Ms. Potts outlined for Votelessness the calculus she used to determine what she calls “the stupid dumbness of the dumb stupid heads”. It is her contention that America’s economic woes are as a direct result of the fact that “…the President and stuff hafta review their pluses and minuses.”
Hillary R. Clinton today confirmed rumors that, if elected president, she would pass a law proclaiming Robin Givens Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World. Clinton said, “As the former wife of Mike Tyson, I see her as having all the necessary qualifications, and in fact, a certain entitlement to this honor.” When reminded […]
Barack Obama was not trying to hear Hillary Clinton point out that she technically won the Pennsylvania primary on Tuesday evening. “Like it actually matters” he later told someone else pretending to be a Fox News reporter.
Obama, who has now hired his dog to be his “spinmaster”, after seeing how well he chased his […]
A major study on Global Warming sponsored by Coppertone has come to a startling conclusion. Although most scientists concur that Global Warming is occurring, all agree it has gotten worse since Al Gore began speaking about it. Professor Olaf Samuelson of the Oslo Institute reports in his study “Hot Air and Al Gore […]
Beverages with anthropomorphic names have been battling long and hard for this elections cycle’s coveted beverage endorsements. Captain Morgan initiated a lawsuit to allow former privateers, highwaymen and copier salesmen to act as the official spokescharacter for endorsed soft drinks. Prior to this year’s primaries, a zero tolerance policy was in place, which prevented some of the more renagade spokescharacters from being eligible for the endorsements.
Just because a Hollywood franchise grosses a couple billion dollars, doesn’t mean it’s not prophecy. Pay attention everybody. The Sarah Connor Chronicles is on every week. Watch it. See what happens when we give the machines too much power…
Wednesday February 27th, presidential hopeful Barack Obama picked up an endorsement from Ohio’s State Treasurer that could serve to propel him to the tie he is already in with Senator Hillary Clinton. The treasurer’s name is Cordray or something like that. At a rally for Senator Obama on Ohio State University’s campus, the […]