© 2008 Votelessness. 
A major study on Global Warming sponsored by Coppertone has come to a startling conclusion. Although most scientists concur that Global Warming is occurring, all agree it has gotten worse since Al Gore began speaking about it. Professor Olaf Samuelson of the Oslo Institute reports in his study “Hot Air and Al Gore […]
In a mad rush to see who could say the most mean, dumb stuff about their opponents, Senators Clinton and Obama both used the last few minutes of airtime they could procure before the Pennsylvania primary to lash out at each other in the most ham-handed and sophomoric manner they could. The jeers and barbs fell barely short of the record childish behavior set in 1988 by Michael Dukakis and George H. W. Bush. In that election the Bush camp accused Mr. Dukakis of being a criminal-loving pansy and stated that if they ever saw him alone, they were going to give him a swirlie. The Dukakis campaign responded with, “criminal-loving pansy?!? We know they are, but what is Mike.” To which Bush Sr.’s people responded, “It is a good thing today is opposite day and that Vice President Bush is rubber and Gov. Dukakis glue.”
Beverages with anthropomorphic names have been battling long and hard for this elections cycle’s coveted beverage endorsements. Captain Morgan initiated a lawsuit to allow former privateers, highwaymen and copier salesmen to act as the official spokescharacter for endorsed soft drinks. Prior to this year’s primaries, a zero tolerance policy was in place, which prevented some of the more renagade spokescharacters from being eligible for the endorsements.
John McCain demonstrated this week that he is even more full of shit than you previously thought. Speaking before an assembly of members of the VFW, Mr. McCain stated that we are no longer staring into the abyss of defeat in Iraq. That statement alone wouldn’t have resonated as complete horseshit, if McCain had immediately followed it with an intimation that we were actually staring OUT of the abyss that we have so obviously been in since the disasterously ill-advised invasion of the country in 2003. McCain did not offer any such intimations.