We The People

Poll Indicates Democrats Favor TruckNutz for Leadership

By F.M. Flash ⋅ April 25, 2008 ⋅ Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

According to the results of a phone survey released today, 56% of registered Democrats think their leadership, in particular Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, would do well to find some “cajones”. Another 34% of respondents indicated they were in favor of the leadership “growing a pair”. Yet another 13% (The equipment used to conduct and tabulate the results of the poll was manufactured by Diebold) were strongly in favor of finding a set of “pills” each for Congresspersons Pelosi and Reid. The survey, conducted by IMHO Research, revealed that most Democrats felt the majority leaders would benefit from wearing what are popularly known as “Truck Balls.” As one distinguished Congressman from a strongly bipartisan state put it, “Even if you are a political pussy, at least you can LOOK like you have some balls. Maybe that will help.”

76% of participants also suggested testosterone therapy as a possible course of action. “How come the GOP can try to impeach a President with 80% approval rating, yet the Democratic leadership balks at impeaching a President with the lowest approval rating in a hundred years, and one who’s undeniably violated domestic and international laws. The Democrats have to butch up.” One respondent noted.

Hillary Clinton was quick to respond to the survey by grabbing her crotch and saying, “I’ve got the balls to be President. I’ve had Bill’s testicles surgically grafted onto myself. It’s part of our agreement. I think they really give me a swagger, but make my pant suits fit even tighter. And they itch a lot.”

Harry Reid was in the Senate “powder room” and couldn’t be reached for comment, but an aide for the Senator asked if the balls had to be a certain color: “Blue balls just don’t seem to send the right message,” he said.

Nancy Pelosi gave a statement that wearing truck balls was definitely off the table. “I think wearing plastic testicles would be divisive,” she stated. “Although, if I get the smooth, hairless ones, it will certainly get the attention of a number of my distinguished colleagues in the G.O.P.”