Rational Activity

Ten Year Old Discovers Root of Economic Woes

By Johnny Davis ⋅ April 23, 2008 ⋅ Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

April 22, 2008 — Columbus, OH

Maria Potts, ten-year-old, today discovered the root of our economy’s current turmoil. Potts, using addition and subtraction, came to the conclusion that the economy is in the dire situation that it is because the people we put in charge of it are “just stupid… and boring”. Using a ‘burnt umber’ Crayola, yellow Sharpie, finger paint and some sheets of construction paper cut into hearts, Ms. Potts outlined for Votelessness the calculus she used to determine what she calls “the stupid dumbness of the dumb stupid heads”. It is her contention that America’s economic woes are as a direct result of the fact that “…the President and stuff hafta review their pluses and minuses.”

In a not-very-elaborate equation, Ms. Potts elaborated upon her basic contention that, “duh, of course the eco.. eko.. ecnom.. economy sucks” by showing how “everyone who wants to be President is much dumber than [her].” In burnt umber, she indicated the amount of money spent so far by all three of the remaining Presidential hopefuls on their bids for the white house. Senator Obama’s name was marked with a horsie, because he was the top spender at $113 million dollars. Mrs. Clinton spent $105 million, which earned her a kitten wearing a sweater drawn next to her name, and Senator McCain, who only spent $60 million was given a glittery star sticker instead of a hand drawn animal.

Underneath the numbers for each of the candidates, Ms. Potts then wrote, in yellow Sharpie, the current salary of the President of the United States, which is $400,000. In rainbow fingerpaint she itemized the ‘extra stuff’ the President gets, like a $50,000 a year expense account, $100,000 non-taxable travel account and a $19,000 entertainment budget. Then, after carrying the one, she declared that “Even if one of those stupids gets to be president twice in a row, they will only make $4,552,000.” Sources close to Votelessness tell us that Potts did have to consult her ‘times-tables’ to reach these figures, but independent analysis confirmed the accuracy of her results.

Potts, who admittedly is not as good at subtraction as she is at addition, continued that, “The old guy, who spent the least would lose $54,448,000 if he became President. The angry lady would lose $99,448,000 and the black guy with the giant ears would lose $107,448,000.” According to Ms. Potts, that is “dumber than Jimmy Peterson, and he eats his boogers.” She concluded, “No wonder the economy (whatever that is) is in such bad shape. Look at the people in charge.” She then made the letter ‘L’ with her thumb and forefinger and placed it on her forehead.