Rational Activity

Talk to the Hand!

By JFC ⋅ April 23, 2008 ⋅ Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

Barack Obama was not trying to hear Hillary Clinton point out that she technically won the Pennsylvania primary on Tuesday evening. “Like it actually matters” he later told someone else pretending to be a Fox News reporter.

Obama, who has now hired his dog to be his “spinmaster”, after seeing how well he chased his tail, allowed his dog to answer the rest of the questions on his behalf, thereby avoiding any legal liability (for either the Obama camp or Votelessness). Luckily the dog is named Obama Barack, thereby avoiding any confusion in referencing the following quotes.

“She can’t seriously think she is going to win this whole thing…can she?” he commented. It’s no secret that Obama and Clinton are rivals in the Democrats’ puppet race. Obviously, they are competing for the same position, but Barack has continued to be a gentleman and a good sport in front of the cameras, despite Hillary’s occasional tactless if not childish attacks on him.

Off the record Obama is apparently far more willing to critique his Democratic competition, as well as any of the American people that may have voted for her.
“You’ve got to be f-n kidding me?” his spokesdog lamented after watching her victory speech on Tuesday evening, followed by “…for Christ’s sake…my apologies to all the semi-bitter, Jesus-loving, gun-toting Americans out there…but, how can we possibly look up to a woman like her as president? I mean, essentially she filled the same role as Monica Lewinsky in the grand scheme of things. Looking up at Bill Clinton while he happens to be in the White House does not a leader of the free world make. Can you even put that on your resume?”

Although many may be somewhat disarmed by his surprising candor and Yoda-like perspective on things, Obama is clearly a much better orator than Hillary, and it has been reflected in the polling. Well, no, actually it hasn’t.

Since neither Democrats nor Republicans feel it is important to balance the proverbial national checkbook and continue to spend money like they themselves printed it, Obama is right in that “it doesn’t really matter” who wins. It is the future generations who will be paying for the red, white, and blue circus we’re watching parade across the television in one way or another.

Asked to comment on Barack’s statement that it “doesn’t really matter who wins” because we’re leaving all the real problems for future generations, McCain responded “Ha-ha”.

Perhaps in the most articulate quote of the entire campaign, Obama’s dog concluded “If we don’t win, fuck it.”

The previous story, although entirely fictitious, has been censored anyway. God bless America and the freedom of speech.