Rational Activity

Hillary Supports Robin Givens’ Claim to Heavyweight Belt

By F.M. Flash ⋅ April 23, 2008 ⋅ Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

Hillary R. Clinton today confirmed rumors that, if elected president, she would pass a law proclaiming Robin Givens Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World. Clinton said, “As the former wife of Mike Tyson, I see her as having all the necessary qualifications, and in fact, a certain entitlement to this honor.” When reminded that Presidents do not pass legislation but can only sign or veto them, Clinton scoffed, “So I’ll issue a signing statement, big fucking deal. One way or another, I always get what I want.”

Former President Bill Clinton, supported his wife’s position, “I don’t know if Robin can box, but Mike sure could, that’s good enough for me.” He was then asked that if proximity to power equaled experience, wouldn’t Monica Lewinsky then, be better qualified than his wife to be President? The former President, blushing somewhat, responded with a wistful look, “I don’t know, Monica DID get as close to presidential power as just about anybody alive. Not just close, she engulfed it! She was hungry –hungry and skillful, but not power-hungry like Hillary. So I’d say Hillary is still the more qualified of the two to become president. Ambition trumps suction in this case.”

As the secret service whisked the former president away, other aides to Mrs. Clinton were quick to point out that despite support for Ms. Givens, her support for many of the other, somewhat similar claims were just rumors: “Hillary absolutely does not support Lynn Blitzer’s right to anchor the news on CNN, nor does she agree with Lynn Cheney’s ambitions of starting her own shadow government in the bunker under the White House.”

Hearing of the exchange between her staffers and Votelessness, Clinton quickly agreed with her aides’ assertion that there were a lot of rumors circulating, but added that she would whole-heartedly support Cindy McCain’s internment in a North Vietnamese POW camp.