© 2008 Votelessness. 
In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court™ of The USA! upheld a law that even first-year political science students agree will disenfranchise a variety of voters from the elderly to immigrants (the legal ones). The Supremes said it was cool for Indiana to require photo I.D. to participate in the electoral process in that state, which it most certainly is not. It is exponentially less cool than the least cool thing you can think of – even less cool than “More than Words” by Extreme.
Ending years of speculation on his next move, former D.O.D Secretary Don Rumsfeld announced he and his investment partners – Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and DNC Chairman Howard Dean – planned to open a chain of Bi-Partisan restaurants – Rummy’s Yummy Red Meat Grille.
The official website of the Department of State of Pennsylvania declared Tuesday that Barack Obama lost that state’s primary to Hillary Clinton by a ten percentage point margin. The same website also officially declared that Barack Obama lost to Barack Obama, who in turn lost to Barack Obama who lost to Hillary Clinton.
According to the results of a phone survey released today, 56% of registered Democrats think their leadership, in particular Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, would do well to find some “cajones”. Another 34% of respondents indicated they were in favor of the leadership “growing a pair”. Yet another 13% (The equipment used to conduct and tabulate the results of the poll were manufactured by Diebold) were strongly in favor of finding a set of “pills” each for Congresspersons Pelosi and Reid.
Stepping off the airplane to begin her campaigning for the Indiana primary, Hillary Clinton responded to questions about what role her husband would play in the White House, should she get elected. Clinton then made a startling announcement: Bill Clinton would be named Director of White House Interns.
In a stump speech in whatever frigging state they are campaigning in now, Hillary Clinton was cheered on by her highly screened, selected, and planted supporters as they all crammed together just enough to fill up the entire camera shot. Under signs displaying her name and claiming any number of broad-based, overly-generalized yet positive […]
Maria Potts, ten-year-old, today discovered the root of our economy’s current turmoil. Potts, using addition and subtraction, came to the conclusion that the economy is in the dire situation that it is because the people we put in charge of it are “just stupid… and boring”. Using a ‘burnt umber’ Crayola, yellow Sharpie, finger paint and some sheets of construction paper cut into hearts, Ms. Potts outlined for Votelessness the calculus she used to determine what she calls “the stupid dumbness of the dumb stupid heads”. It is her contention that America’s economic woes are as a direct result of the fact that “…the President and stuff hafta review their pluses and minuses.”
Hillary R. Clinton today confirmed rumors that, if elected president, she would pass a law proclaiming Robin Givens Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World. Clinton said, “As the former wife of Mike Tyson, I see her as having all the necessary qualifications, and in fact, a certain entitlement to this honor.” When reminded […]
Rumors have begun circulating inside the Beltway that President Bush is thinking of switching to the Democratic Party. A made up source close to the President said he overheard Mr. Bush tell an advisor, “I don’t like being in the minority. It blows. How those black folks handle it, is beyond me […]
Barack Obama was not trying to hear Hillary Clinton point out that she technically won the Pennsylvania primary on Tuesday evening. “Like it actually matters” he later told someone else pretending to be a Fox News reporter.
Obama, who has now hired his dog to be his “spinmaster”, after seeing how well he chased his […]